First steps in BDSM Anal pain pleasure activity
So maybe you’re a little bit into BDSM, or just thinking that kink might be something for you after all. You have overcome some of your fears, skepticism, and insecurities. Where to start and how long might it take? With these tips, I’ll assume you’re already in a trusting sexual relationship (whether it’s monogamous or not).
1. Talk about deep anal penetration and anal pain pleasure
Communication is important in any relationship, but when it comes to challenging BDSM or kinks, it’s important that all parties involved feel comfortable discussing their desires, fantasies, likes and dislikes… they need to be able to set boundaries in anal penetration and anal pain pleasure activities. You should be able to express when you want the activity to end or resume. Bottom* should never hesitate to call the safe word or ask for anything you need. The top* must accept the requests of the bottom and respond to acceptance or refusal. If one party does not trust the communication of the other, a BDSM or kinky anal pain pleasure session can quickly deteriorate.
*Below = person being harmed (e.g. person who has been flogged)
*top and behind = person doing something (e.g. someone wielding a whip or inserting big dildo into the anus)
2. Who’s on top?
Discuss with your partner whether you feel more “up”, “down” or “behind”. Do you want to be the one who hurts, or do you want to be the one who does something? Do you like the power of ordering or just take orders? Do you want to be in control and penetrate into the anus or are you excited about not knowing what will happen next? If you want to be on the same page with each other, take turns talking until you feel comfortable with the role naturally.
3. Discuss Safe Language
Some forms of perverted ass play may include fantasies of noncompliance, fights, and screaming. It is important that the leader can distinguish between role-playing and actually needing to stop the anal penetration activity. For example, if you’re acting out some sort of rape or torture scene, Bottom may yell “No!” or “Stop!” As part of the excitement, I really don’t want the top to stop what they’re doing. A safe word is a word that you would not normally use in a scene where you tell the hint “I want you to stop now!” . (For example, “Eucalyptus!” or “Macaroni!”, you may not yell out loud, but anything you can easily remember will do.) Some use yellow to signal to the top to continue, but reduce the intensity. Red means ‘stop now’ and yellow means ‘I like it but you’re hitting it too hard’ and you need non-verbal cues when your butt is gagged. A certain series of head shakes combined with “mm-mm-mm” works well. Or you can hold something on the bottom and drop it, ring a bell, or give something like that.
3. Start small
If you’re intimidated by all the kinks out there and just want to explore a little bit, start with something relatively small and non-threatening.I usually recommend trying a blindfold as a first step. Blindfolding allows us to explore that the bottom is interested in relinquishing control while the top takes the lead. You can always remove the blindfold if your butt becomes uncomfortable or uneasy. Restraints are merely mental, not physical.
4. You don’t have to buy anything at first
You don’t need any special equipment to start a kink or BDSM with her or him. Each strip of fabric acts as a blindfold or gag. A long-sleeved shirt can be twisted into a long line and tied around the head, or a tie can be used in a pinch.
If you want to add a little more, start with spanking. All you need is your bare hands. Many items you already have in your home can serve as toys or sexy playthings.For example, the back of a wooden hairbrush or a wooden spoon or spatula in your kitchen can be effective spanking tools ( It actually hurts a lot!). Electric toothbrushes tickle and vibrate. Hairbrush and toothbrush bristles can be used for sensory play. Your hands alone can convey a wide range of sensations. Ice cubes or cold metal (such as freezer spoons) are great tools for temperature play. The edge of a credit card can simulate the feel of a blade without damaging it. When starting a hitting game (such as spanking), take it easy at first and slowly increase the intensity to allow your butt to adjust. A few light taps and then moving towards a slightly stronger, more satisfying clap gives the recipient time to let you know when or if it’s too much for him/her. When ramping up slowly instead of starting at full power.
For bondage, a tie and robe belt can be used to tie the wrists and ankles (if you do this, do not block circulation and be sure to untie the knot quickly – safety scissors just in case If you decide to try simple bondage, Bottom should be careful not to let his limbs become numb or tingly, and should notify Top immediately if any discomfort develops.
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